The Pocket Book of Death Read online

  Copyright

  HarperCollinsPublishers

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  Hammersmith, London W6 8JB

  www.harpercollins.co.uk

  First published by Barnes & Noble 2008 by arrangement with HarperCollinsPublishers

  Copyright © 2008 Morgan Reilly and Joanna Tempest

  Morgan Reilly and Joanna Tempest assert the moral right to be identified as the authors of this work

  A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or here in after invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication.

  Source ISBN 9780007332366

  Ebook Edition © OCTOBER 2014 ISBN: 9780007524716

  Version: 2014-10-02

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Introduction

  History of Death

  The Morbid Facts

  Deadly Words

  Unsettling Death

  The Science of Death

  Unexpected Death Rituals

  Random Death

  Making Dough off the Dead

  Something Fishy Going On: Celebrity Deaths

  Killer Animals with a Napoleonic Complex

  Urban Myths about Death

  Cutting Edge Death

  Last Words to Laugh by & Amusing Epitaphs

  Bizarre Browsing

  Selected Bibliography

  Recommended Websites

  Acknowledgements

  About the Authors

  About the Illustrators

  About the Publisher

  Introduction

  What is it about death and dying that holds so many of us captivated? Researchers and psychologists can hand us dozens of explanations – fear of the unknown, the universality of death, compassion, empathy, sympathy, or maybe it’s just plain old morbid fascination.

  It’s certainly prevalent in our modern art. After all, famed British artist Damien Hirst is one of the highest-paid living artists. His Natural History series which features dead animals preserved in formaldehyde (and occasionally sliced and diced) have sold for millions of dollars a piece.

  And besides becoming an art exhibit, death has also become a massive tourist attraction. One of Moscow’s hottest tourist spots is the preserved body of Lenin in Red Square. Mao Zedong’s preserved corpse can be seen in Beijing. And let’s not forget Italy. You can get a glimpse of Galileo’s middle finger at the Institute and Museum of the History of Science in Florence. We kid you not.

  Or maybe we are fascinated by that raw freedom in death. With no more people left to impress, it’s like a sudden release from all those social and cultural barriers. In 2002, a man in Germany named Karl-Friedrich Lentze sent a letter to officials requesting permission to be buried with his blow-up sex doll, as stipulated in his will. German officials performed a thorough investigation of the inflatable companion and deemed the components of said doll would not harm the environment, so Mr Lentze was given the go-ahead to spend eternity in the arms of his libidinous latex lover. And why not? He certainly wouldn’t be around to hear the gasps of shock or the family criticisms.

  While writing The Pocket Book of Death, we tried to include a combination of real facts as well as the bizarre and funny practices and traditions that had us laughing out loud during our research. It’s a miscellany of death facts that is a combination of reality and hilarity, and we hope you find it as enlightening as we did. Please bear in my mind that any costs or numbers (such as life expectancies, number of deaths, etc.) obviously fluctuate with time. Most of the ones represented in the book are the most recent we could find on a subject. We included a list of recommended websites at the back of the book which could help should you need the most recent figures.

  You know, maybe the fascination with death is something as simple as certainty. The only thing we’re guaranteed in life is death. Even Damien Hirst knows that. The original 14-foot tiger shark in his piece, The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living had to be replaced because it began to decay and change shape within its formaldehyde bath. And let’s be honest, the only reason that a blow-up sex doll can be used as a coffin companion is because it, too, won’t last for ever.

  History of Death

  ‘They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist—’

  General John Sedgwick

  (his last words before being hit by a Confederate sharpshooter)

  No Escaping the Black Death

  It’s estimated that the Black Death killed around a third of Europe’s total population during the fourteenth century. That’s around 25 million people – and that’s only in Europe. It also devastated China and parts of Asia before it even reached the European continent.

  The Black Death probably earned its name from the tell-tale red spots – which later turned black – that would appear on the skin of the infected. The spots were actually broken blood vessels under the skin which made it look like a black rash.

  Thought you were safe from the plague? Think again. Although nowhere near as prevalent as it once was, the plague hasn’t been totally wiped out. Cases can still be found in some parts of the world. Watch out for those rats!

  ‘OH MY GOD…WOOFY! YOU HAVE IT TOO?!’

  How to Tell You Were Probably a Goner …

  Shivering

  Vomiting

  Headache

  Intolerance to light

  Back pain

  Delirium

  Giddiness

  Swelling in the groin and armpits

  CONNECT THE DOTS TO SEE WHAT THE BLACK DEATH WAS REALLY LIKE!

  The Bloodiest Battles

  It has long been argued that war is one of the most effective population stabilizers. Did you ever wonder how many American service members actually died during the big wars?

  The US Department of Veterans Affairs gives us the lowdown.

  The American Revolution

  Total number killed in battle:

  4,435

  War of 1812

  Total number killed in battle:

  2,260

  The Civil War

  Total number of Union servicemen

  killed in battle:

  140,414

  Total number of Confederate servicemen

  killed in battle:

  74,524

  The Spanish–American War

  Total number killed in battle:

  385

  World War I

  Total number killed in battle:

  53,402

  World War II

  Total number killed in battle:

  291,557

  Korean War

  Total number killed in battle:

  33,741

  Vietnam War

  Total number killed in battle:

  47,424

  Desert Shield/Desert Storm

  Total number killed in battle:

  147

  The Global War on Terror claims more lives every day, so the number is constantly flu
ctuating. You can look at the website of the US Department of Veterans Affairs for the latest numbers.

  A Very Eerie Coincidence?

  A Peculiar Look at Presidential Departures

  Of all the US presidents, three have actually kicked the bucket on none other than the Fourth of July. To be more specific, three of the first five US presidents died on July 4. Seems far-fetched? The chances of this are actually one in five million.

  Thomas Jefferson died on 4 July 1826

  John Adams died on the same day – 4 July 1826

  James Monroe died on 4 July 1831

  And if that’s not freaky enough, Thomas Jefferson died just before 1 pm on that fateful day. Adams died just a few hours later. His last reported words?

  ‘Jefferson still survives.’

  Hmm, guess no one had the heart to break the news.

  Most popular state for US presidents to breathe their last? Nope, not Washington DC. The Big Apple has hosted more presidential deaths than any other state.

  Being President takes its toll – most survive an average of only 12.9 years after leaving office.

  Eleven presidents have lived past 80.

  Presidential Last Words

  ‘Please put out that light, James.’

  Teddy Roosevelt

  ‘I have a terrific headache.’

  Franklin Roosevelt

  ‘I want to go. God take me.’

  Dwight D. Eisenhower

  The Curse of Tecumseh

  William Henry Harrison was the leader of a territorial militia fighting the Native American Indians led by two brothers, Tecumseh and Tenskwatawa. Harrison and his men beat the Indian forces at the battle of Tippecanoe and went on to assault their village. William Henry Harrison was hailed as a hero and consequently won the presidency in 1840 using the slogan ‘Tippecanoe and Tyler too’. Harrison’s streak of luck ended quickly though. He only served as president for a month before he died of pneumonia after catching a cold – the first to fall victim to Tecsumseh’s curse, which states that any president elected in a year ending in a ‘0’ would die while in office.

  Think that sounds crazy? Abraham Lincoln was the next to fall victim to the curse. Elected in 1860, he was assassinated during his presidency in 1865. James Garfield (1880), William McKinley (1900), Warren G. Harding (1920), Franklin Roosevelt (for his third term he was elected in 1940) and John F. Kennedy (1960) have all followed Harrison and Lincoln’s precedent of dying while in office. Ronald Reagan, elected in 1980, was next in line for a tragic end and came close in 1981 when he was shot by John Hinckley. But Reagan survived the assassination attempt and became the first president to break Tecumseh’s curse.

  Thirteen Reasons NEVER to Become a Roman Emperor

  Rome has always been known for its decidedly bloody and hedonistic history. Many of the Roman emperors themselves were consumed by power and a somewhat acute paranoia about their various enemies. Then again, maybe their paranoia wasn’t completely unsubstantiated …

  Caligula was killed while enjoying the widely attended games. His own praetorian guard reportedly used swords, daggers and even their teeth to make quick work of the job.

  Caracalla was stabbed by one of his troops while he took an unfortunately timed bathroom break.

  Carinus was reportedly killed during battle, but not by the enemy army. One of his own soldiers supposedly did the deed after learning Carinus had seduced his wife.

  Claudius was rumoured to have been given poisoned mushrooms by his wife.

  Commodus escaped the death planned by his sister only to be poisoned by his favourite mistress after she found out he had added her to his execution list. After it seemed the poisoning had failed, she sent a hearty youth to strangle him.

  Galba, it is reported, was decapitated by his own soldiers and had his head stuck on a spear and paraded around town.

  Maxentius drowned in the Tiber while Constantine’s army pursued him.

  Nero tried to stab himself in the throat but couldn’t do it, so he enlisted the help of Epaphrodite, his scribe. Bet that wasn’t in the job description!

  Otho stabbed himself after only three months in power.

  Valerian died in the captivity of the Persian king, but that’s not the worst part. After being killed, they reportedly flayed his skin, dyed it a pretty colour and hung it in the Persian temple like a tapestry.

  Vespasian died during a rather unpleasant attack of diarrhoea.

  Vitellius was discovered by the enemy army and was tortured at the aptly named ‘Staircase of Wailing’ before his eventual decapitation. His body was dragged into the Tiber on a hook.

  And we can’t forget Caesar, not emperor but Dictator Perpetuus or ‘dictator for life’ as named by his Senate. Yes, the same Senate which contained a group of men (including the infamous Brutus) who stabbed Caesar twenty-three times with knives and daggers. We’re guessing their version of ‘life’ was shorter than his.

  CAESAR’S LAST WORDS

  ‘UM, YOU GUYS MISSED A SPOT.’

  Don’t Forget to Pack!

  Ancient Essentials for the Afterlife

  Romans often put coins in the mouths of the dead. The coins were your fare for crossing the River Styx which blocked entry to the underworld. You also needed some honey cakes to feed Cerberus, the three-headed dog that guarded the entrance to the land of the dead.

  When the body of Alexander the Great was moved back from Babylon to Macedonia, it was drenched in honey.

  In Ancient Egypt, preserving bodies through mummification was a requirement for the journey to the underworld. The Book of Coming Forth by Day – more commonly known as the Book of the Dead – was often buried with prominent Egyptians. It contained spells and rituals intended to guide the soul to the afterlife including mummification instructions.

  If a lifetime of servitude wasn’t enough, several ancient cultures had their slaves killed when a powerful leader died. In Fiji, slaves and wives were often strangled when a male died. In Japan, dozens of slaves would kill themselves when a member of the nobility kicked it. In Africa, slaves, dogs and horses were killed when a king went kaput. And in ancient China, it wasn’t unknown for servants and retainers to be buried alive along with the person of significance. Was it a power thing? Maybe a fear of loneliness? We’ll never know for sure, but you can probably imagine the conversation among servants or wives when a big guy croaked . . .

  ‘Are you sure he’s dead? Check again.’

  ‘I’ve checked three times already!’

  [silence] ‘Oh crap.’

  Today, the Chinese burn prayer money to send to the deceased instead. There must have been a collective sigh of relief the day that tradition started.

  Greek Karma Works Its Magic

  Draco, the notorious Athenian statesman, is best known for writing out the laws of ancient Greece. It was rumoured the laws were actually written out in blood, and the most typical punishment for breaking the ‘Draconian’ laws was the death penalty. Whether you committed murder or stole an apple, you weren’t going to live long enough to feel remorse.

  But don’t worry too much about old Draco. His followers were so overjoyed with his progress that they tossed their hats and cloaks on him at the Theatre of Aegina in a dramatic show of appreciation. In fact, the response was so overwhelming that Draco actually suffocated under the flood of Grecian outerwear. Such a shame.

  A Tough Break

  In its first incarnation, the hanging method used to execute people was so ineffective that it could take up to twenty minutes for a person to strangle to death by suffocation. As countries moved toward more humane measures of execution, the victims were dropped from a longer distance which would break the neck and dislocate the spinal cord, making for a quicker execution.

  ‘MAYBE WE SHOULD LOWER IT ABOUT 12 FEET OR SO?’

  The Morbid Facts

  ‘Always go to other people’s funerals otherwise they won’t go to yours.’

  Yogi Berra

  Global warming
has brought soaring temperatures throughout the world, but you’re still more likely to die from exposure to excessively cold conditions than from excessively hot ones. Give it a few years.

  Transportation accidents are still the number one cause of accidental deaths, but don’t discount the power of your own two feet … over 18,000 people died from a nasty fall in 2003.

  More pedestrians are killed in accidents every year than motorcyclists.

  Venomous snakes and spiders might look more threatening, but you’re still more likely to die from the nasty stinger of a hornet, wasp or bee.

  You’re almost twice as likely to die from lightning than from an earthquake.

  African Americans have nearly twice the risk of having a first-time stroke compared to whites.

  Compared to African Americans and whites who are under 19 years old, Native Americans have the highest death rates for car accidents, pedestrian injuries and suicide.

  Native Americans are more than twice as likely to die in motor vehicle accidents than whites and nearly twice as likely as African Americans.

  If you’re under 35, you’re more likely to die from some kind of accident than from any medical condition.

  A variety of different factors can contribute to your death … smoking, heredity, how frequently you drive, your sex, medical conditions, lifestyle … the list goes on. The breakdown on the next page from The National Safety Council and National Geographic will give you an idea of the statistical average of some of the ways in which Americans died in 2003.

  ‘OH GOD, THAT WAS MY STINGER!’

  ‘THAT’S SO UNHEALTHY.’

  How Will You Die? Chances Are …

  Heart Disease